Ghosting has unfortunately become rampant in today’s dating culture. Ghosting is said to be a phenomenon where a person cuts off all communication without an explanation, without an acceptable reason. In dating apps, this can be classified in the context of digital departure. Receiving no texts, calls, chats and email from someone we are deeply attached to is a bitter pill to swallow, to say the least. Why would someone who made us feel loved and cared disappear?
Those who have been ghosted often ask “What have I done wrong?” or “What’s wrong with me?” and “Is there somebody else?”
Putting everything into perspective, meeting new romantic partners is now easier through the help of dating apps. Navigating relationships specifically when you meet someone online is a gamble enough as it is. But what are the reasons behind this prevailing and sigh-inducing norm in the digital world?
- Unpredictable rewards
According to a study, the element of unpredictable rewards is associated with the use of dating apps. Unpredictable rewards cause more activity in reward regions than rewards we know are coming. Users do not know when they will match with someone they find attractive, if they match at all. And users do not know when (and if), after engaging in a conversation, a match will respond. The thrill of the unknown is hardwired in humans. We are deemed attracted to the unknown and we tend to lose excitement over too much familiarity. Neurobiological models have suggested that the algorithm of reward learning is associated with dopamine.
2. They sense the other person is terrifying to deal with.
This doesn’t happen often, says Susan Kolod, a psychologist in New York who specializes in relationships and sexuality. But it can be a reasonable response to fear, when a person is worried and the safest way to exit the relationship is to cut ties and say nothing at all.
3. The person really doesn’t know what she/he wants
There is a chance that “ghosters” are still head over heels with his/her ex or simply can’t make up their wazoo of a mind. Perhaps they are just testing the waters and you simply didn’t make the cut.
To reduce the likelihood of getting ghosted, OkCupid‘s matching strategies are based on non-traditional questions and push for meaningful and lasting connections. OkCupid, an online dating app whose very motto is “Match on what matters” with their multiple questionnaires and preferences, is programmed to match people based on their similarities which translates into a compatibility rating. They accomplish this by diving into both the shallow and deep aspects of a relationship without forcing people to self-evaluate.
“It’s true that meeting someone online is tricky since it’s so easy to put up a front. But with OkCupid we encourage people to be their authentic selves with our mix of questionnaires and preferences so that we can match those with similar interests and personalities. Let us help you find common topics and interests to help make that first impression really count,” said Melissa Hobley, OkCupid’s spokesperson and Chief Marketing Officer.
OKCupid is available on Google Play or App Store.
