MANILA, PHILIPPINES — With only a few days left before DickTalk comes to theaters, more and more people are shifting their attention towards the dashing gentlemen who will take the stage: veteran actor Archi Adamos as Rudolfo “Doods” Mortiz; celebrated star Jake Cuenca as Peter North Teves; award-winning actor Gold Aceron as Gaylord “Jun-Jun” Salvador Jr.; talented multi-hyphenate Mikoy Morales as “Cecile” de Jesus; and founder of TransMan Pilipinas Nil Nodalo.
In the pool of renowned and seasoned actors, Nil is making his debut as a theater performer with the role of the play’s trans man character. As a trans man himself, he shared profound insights and perspectives to DickTalk’s director Phil Noble and producer Eboy Vinarao, who both accepted and acknowledged this new point of view and incorporated it into the script for an authentic vantage point. Through this unique opportunity, Nil hopes to raise awareness on transgender people and open up LGBTQIA+ issues in more platforms.
adobo Magazine spoke with Nil on how he joined the cast of DickTalk, how he is bringing his character to life on stage, and the importance of his role and the play to the LGBTQIA+ community in an exclusive interview.
adobo: How did you first hear about the play? What was the process of joining the cast like?
Nil Nodalo: Around July, we had a Zoom meeting together. Some of the writers and directors were just asking for like help lang kasi nga a trans man is included in the cast para sa DickTalk. Wala pa naman nasabi na “Ikaw na talaga yung one of the cast.” And then eventually, maybe around August or September, sabi nila “You were the chosen one for the character [of Rob].” Eventually, nakausap ko rin yung other head writer and then binigay nila sa akin yung script, so wala naman nangyaring audition sa akin.
Since this is your first acting role, how has that been like without any previous experience?
Since 2012, I believe I’ve been doing a lot of interviews na sa mga TV station. Then in 2015, I had a short film. So ang mga shoot is one to two days lang. And then in 2016, I had an indie film so wala namang major acting, more on about the experience lang kasi documentary siya. The lead roles for that were Ice Seguerra and Liza Diño. It’s called, “Traslacion: Ang Paglakad sa Altar ng Alanganin.” Then kaming dalawa nung wife ko are part of the cast for that documentary, so masasabi ko na this is my first talaga na serious acting dito sa DickTalk.
How has it been working with the cast who have done this before?
Sa aming lima ako yung underdog talaga. Sila may mga experience na when it comes to acting. So far, wala naman akong na-feel na parang left behind ako sa kanila. Mabait naman sila pagka nagshe-share kami sa rehearsal namin. Sa production, wala akong masabi kasi sobrang helpful sila and supportive talaga. Lahat ng kailangan mo, nandito na — gagawin mo na lang talaga yung trabaho mo.
Since each trans experience is unique, can you tell us more about Rob’s specific story and how you brought it to life?
Siguro, nakatulong din na I have an organization. I talk to a lot of people, so maraming lumalapit sa akin kahit hindi naman kami same ng experience. Ako kasi, ever since I was a child, never ko na-identify yung sarili ko as lesbian. At the back of my head, I’d rather be a straight woman or a guy. Kung hindi ako magiging lalaki talaga, I’d rather be a straight woman. Ganon yung thinking ko kasi I have a lot of friends na butch lesbian. Pag nakikita ko sila, parang ang saya naman nila. Very proud sila pag sinasabi nila na lesbian sila. Pero ako parang, “Bakit ako hindi masaya?” Ganon yung feeling ko, na parang bakit parang iba yung pakiramdam ko? Bakit hindi same sa nararamdaman nila? Kaya nung nalaman ko yung word na “transgender,” kaya pala siguro ganun yung nararamdaman ko kasi transgender ako. Si Rob, dumaan kasi siya sa ganung case. From being a woman, nag-identify siya as lesbian, then eventually, na-realize niya na gusto niya maging isang lalaki.
Marami ako naririnig na gusto mag-join sa organization namin, first talaga na-identify sila as lesbian. So, alam ko and nakikita ko rin sa mga friends ko na may mga ganun talaga. And siguro nakatulong sa akin na hindi ko siya iniisip na para sa akin. I know and very sure na meron talagang manonood na trans man talaga in real life na ganun na ganun talaga yung na-experience niya. Pag napanood niya, gusto ko magkaroon ng justice yung pagkatao niya. Yun yung iniisip ko na gusto ko makita ng trans men community — yung experience ni Rob — and I think maraming makaka-relate doon.
What do you think the perspective of the trans man adds to the play, and why do you think it’s so important to have this point of view in the story?
Sa bansa natin, if you were born a female then act like a male, automatically i-aaddress ka as lesbian. Ang kagandahan dito sa DickTalk, siya yung parang nag-break ng wall na ang isang trans man ay isang lalaki talaga. Na hindi siya babae, or sa gitna. Kaya para sa akin, napaka-laking bagay nito lalo sa trans men community kasi napakita talaga sa public na ang trans man pala ay isang lalaki. Sa aming lima, kasama ako dun sa cast na cisgender male. Ang laking bagay nito not just for myself, but for the community as well, sa awareness na malaman na nag-eexist talaga yung mga trans men na katulad ko.
You said your story and Rob’s aren’t exactly the same. Since you started as someone that they were consulting, did you have your own insights on masculinity and manhood that influenced the story?
Para sa akin kasi, transgender is an identity. Hindi siya sexual orientation. Kung pag–uusapan natin yung sexual orientation ng trans man, malaki siya. May mga trans man na masculine, mayroong feminine, gay, bisexual. Obviously, hindi siya pwedeng maging lesbian. Pero pwede siya maging gay or bisexual, pwede rin siyang maging queer.
Dito sa story ni Rob, parang naka–focus siya as a straight trans man. Para sa akin, okay na din yun kasi doon pa nga lang sa pagiging transgender, yung society natin hirap na maintindihan. Pero I think it matters din na malaki yung sexual orientation, pwede mangyari yun. Pero I know some of the trans men talaga identify doon sa gay or bisexual. Maybe someday pwede mapag–usapan yun pero siguro baby steps muna. Awareness muna kung ano ba talaga ang isang transgender.
What is your favorite part so far?
Siguro yung pinaka-favorite line ko doon is yung “wala akong titi.” Favorite ko yun kasi being a transgender man, obviously it means na wala akong penis. But when you transition and decide to take hormone replacement, you’ll have enlargement of the clitoris. So yung enlargement niya, not as big as the penis pero hindi na rin siya magiging regular as a woman’s clitoris. So doon sa line ko na “wala akong titi,” meron naman eh, pero hindi naman kasi na-tackle doon kung ano ba yung tumubo because of HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy). Para sa akin, hindi basehan kung ano yung nasa gitna mo para masabi na may titi ka kasi for example, a cisgender man has an accident; naputulan siya. Pwede mo ba siya tawagin na ate kasi wala na siyang titi? Hindi definition yung titi para matawag kang lalaki. It’s more on the identity kung paano mo kinikilala yung sarili mo. Yun yung gusto kong line doon — di ko kailangan ng titing naka-kabit.
Did you ever see yourself or others representing the trans men community in any media?
Siguro nung bata ako, naiisip ko siya pero hindi siya something I worked hard to have. Pero when I introduce myself sa interviews and other media by sharing awareness, it was always in the back of my head na, “Possible kaya yun?” Here in the country, of course we have Ice Seguerra sa trans community. But hindi pa siya medically transitioned. Nakita siya ng society nung bata pa siya — iba kasi yun eh. Kahit ako in real life, yung mga nakasama ko nung hindi pa ako nag–transition, kung paano nila ako nakilala, ganun pa rin yung nakita nila pagka-transition ko. Tapos we have Jake Zyrus, a musician. Wala pa talagang artist na transitioned at the start [of their career] nung nakita ng publiko. Sana magkaroon ng astista na transgender man na transitioned na talaga. So it was always in the back of my head na baka magkaroon, pero wala rin akong ginawa na pwede gawin.
Did you have any reservations when they asked you to join the cast? Did you have anything that you were hesitant about?
In fairness naman sa production, pag tingin nila na baka may matapakan sila, they ask me and consult me. Example for that is may dala kaming prutas diba. Originally, ang hawak ko dapat doon ay pechay. May mga tao kasi na sensitive sa mga ganoon sa community. Sa bansa kasi natin, pag sinabing pechay, related sa vagina. Sa akin lang, sinama ka sa DickTalk tapos pechay hawak mo, parang you still identify as female. Ayokong ma–feel nila na parang mabastusan sila — sila lahat ampalaya, tapos ako pechay. So sinabi ko sa production, naging honest lang ako na feeling ko baka maka-offend. At pinag–usapan nila. Ang first na sabi ko ay yung señorita fruit. Hindi na siya vegetable, pero I think okay lang yun kasi nga cisgender–born male sila.
During the rehearsals, were there instances where you saw something in the script that could be improved to avoid offending people or to better represent the community?
Yes, actually si Director Phil Noble naman kasi is very open sa mga suggestions. May mga lines lang doon na kailangan mas clear. Ang atake kasi nya is kakausapin ka muna niya, papakuwentuhin ka muna niya sa experience mo as a trans man, parang personal conversation. And then may script, “Gawa ka ng story mo paano nangyari yung isang bagay. Anong pinanggalingan nito? Ano sa tingin mo na paano siya pinanganak?” We would go deeper doon sa labas ng script.
What do you want the audience to take away from DickTalk or from your character?
Siguro for my character, gusto kong takeaway nila sana doon is ang pagiging trans man comes in many forms. Madaming stories na pwedeng pagdaanan at walang one way na maging journey. Pwede kaming coming from being a lesbian or bisexual, and wala siyang age na pinipili; although parehas kami [ni Rob] na nasa 20s nag–start [mag-transition]. Yun yung gusto kong takeaway na it’s okay, you’re valid, walang problema doon, ganun talaga.
And for example, yung mga lalaki talaga hindi naman yan nag–vovoice out ng feeling at emotions. Kung mag–vovoice out yan, sila–sila lang [mga lalaki] o inuman na lang sila, “Wag na yan drama lang yan, inuman nalang tayo.” Pero dito kasi, kita yung inner stories ng men. Like for Junjun, yung pinag–daanan niya, o siguro yung mga manonood na may mga anak na nasa teens, malaking bagay yun kasi makikita nila yung pinagdadaanan ng men or teenager sa bahay nila. Minsan na-mimisunderstand natin yung mga kapatid natin na nasa teens — madadaanan yun ng story ni Junjun.
Mayroon din tayong older version na yung mga lolo natin, or yung father natin — yung mga struggle naman nila. Mayroon din nung katulad ni Cecile na pinagkakamalang bakla all this time tapos may four sisters pa siya. Siya yung bunso na hindi naman siya bading — mahinhin lang siya pero hindi naman siya bading. And then yung character ni Jake [na si Peter], hindi siya makagawa ng sarili niyang name kasi yung parents niya ay sikat na bold star. Maraming stories na for sure maraming makaka–relate din. DickTalk is not just for women or people part of the LGBT community. For the entire community talaga sya.
Do you have any worries for your opening?
Siguro, I just want to give justice sa character na yun and for the trans men community. Yun yung laging nasa isip ko. Ibibigay ko talaga yung best ko sa play. Wala akong fears kasi hindi ko siya gagawin para sa sarili ko. Gagawin ko siya for the community. Pag iniisip ko na gagawin ko siya for the community, I become stronger.
Throughout your personal journey, how did you find the LGBTQIA+ community?
Back in the year 2000, when I searched [online], nakita ko yung “trans man.” [Naisip ko] “Ano to? Hindi kaya ganito ako kasi hindi ko ma–identify yung sarili ko as lesbian?” I was born female, I have female features, pero lalaki ang feeling ko. Nag–research ako at mayroon talagang word na “transgender.” “Baka ito talaga ako,” yun agad naramdaman ko. I want to transition na yung medical transition na. So, 13 years ago, pumunta ako sa isang ospital. Hindi nila alam kung paano nila ako i–aaddress. “Ano yung take mo sa male hormone, tapos female ka? Baka magkasakit ka niyan. Walang ganyan. Baka marami kang makukuhang sakit diyan, wag yan.” In short, na-cancel agad ako sa ospital. And wala talagang tutulong sa akin. So yung first testosterone ko came from a black market — yung mga steroids, may part siya na testosterone. Ganun ako nag–start, nag–self–medicate ako kasi nagkaroon ako ng friend. Siya nag–sasabi na “Ito yung mga gagawin mo, ito yung mga lab test na kailangan mo gawin.” Pero ang problema, walang doctor na willing tumulong sa akin that time. So yun yung first na nangyari sa akin. Then eventually, gumawa ako ng support group sa Facebook. Then naka–kilala ako ng mga katulad ko. Doon nag–start, then naging organization kami. Ngayon, we have affiliated doctors and therapists na tutulong sa amin so yung mga younger generation ng trans men eh hayahay na sila.
One stop shop siya: pag punta mo doon tapos sinabi mo na transgender man ka, kakausapin ka kaagad ng therapist. Pag pumasa ka, i–rerefer ka nila sa endocrinologist for your lab test kung fit ka ba to transition. Yung transition kasi is not for everybody, siyempre financially, tapos yung levels ng katawan mo kasi baka magkaroon ka ng mga sakit. Actually yung mga kasabayan ko, madami na silang sakit. May mga high blood, diabetes, so marami ka talagang pwedeng makuhang sakit kapag walang help ng experts talaga. We don’t encourage self–medication katulad ng ginawa ko. Ginawa ko lang yun kasi walang choice, pero yun talaga eh, gusto ko talaga. Kung iisipin ko, nakakatakot kasi you’re injecting something in your body na hindi mo alam kung ano, pero kasi yung time na yun, do or die na yun eh. Kasi ito yung happiness ko, ito talaga yung gusto ko.
Do you think that DickTalk could spark curiosity about transgenderism for some viewers?
Dun sa latter part sa lines ko, mayroon doon eh. Kasi ang story ni Rob, nag–start siya from five years old to 30 years old. Kinuwento ko yun doon sa play. So madadaanan talaga siya in stages — mula nung nag–aaral siya hanggang sa nag–transition siya. Makukwento talaga doon na lumapit siya sa doctor, so yung audience magkakaroon sila ng idea. Pero yung technical part, wala na doon.
What do you want to say to the audience who are going to watch the show? What do you want to prepare them for?
Sana makapanood sila. Limited run lang ito. Invite ko rin yung trans men community because this is our voice. Maraming trans men na “stealth,” parang they don’t want to come out. In my case, kung di ko sasabihin na trans ako, you wouldn’t know. And ayaw na nila ng complication like discrimination. Wala pang gender recognition dito so we still have our old names and documents. Ayaw nila ng issues about doon pero ang laki ng community ng trans men, super quiet lang talaga. Ito yung way na kahit na hindi sila out, pag napanood nila, mas malalaman yung situation natin. They will share it as awareness in a lowkey way na hindi sila naa-out as trans. Importante na malaman ng community na nag-eexist yung mga transgender man. Kung hindi ko ginawa yung sakripisyo 10 years ago na coming out and giving awareness through talks, hindi mararanasan yun nung [trans men] sa ngayon. Kung kawawa ka before, kawawa pa rin yung trans men community ngayon kung hindi yun nangyari. Gusto mo ba na palaging nasa black market yung testosterone? Na parang tayo-tayo lang ang nakakaalam pero dapat naman talaga na i-share siya sa community? Yung public, sana mapanood nila ito para malaman nila yung different stories and different [kinds of] men.
DickTalk is coming to theaters for a limited time from April 15-23, 2023 at the RCBC Theater, Makati City. Tickets are now available on TicketWorld via https://premier.ticketworld.com.ph/ with prices ranging from PHP 2,000 for Balcony; PHP 2,500 for Lodge; PHP 3,050 for Orchestra Side; and PHP 3,650 for Orchestra Center.
