by Anna Gamboa
MANILA – “I knew I would be a family man someday, but I never knew I’d have seven kids! [But] when I had these children, I knew I could provide for them somehow.”
Seven kids, four grandkids, one wife, several responsibilities—how does Barbie Atienza get anything done? Going by the principle of picking the situation where he can do the most good or have the best impact in the least amount of time, and this is one dad who doesn’t hesitate to give credit to his wife for primarily managing the kids in parental matters. “I do have to play a part [as a parent], whenever you’re needed as a father, you drop everything. There are situations when you’re most needed, so you make ways and means to be there. The most important thing is the difference you make in your child’s life.”
Primarily in charge of Manila Bulletin’s external affairs (a job he’s held for 14 years), and a member of several alphabet-soup print, PR and marketing organizations (PMAP, PRSP, UPMG), Atienza admits he can’t be everywhere at the same time. “There’s only so much time, you try to do with the limited resources that you have. You don’t try to balance it, you don’t try to divide it, it’s a matter of trying to find time as much as you can, as quick as you can, where you’re most needed. I give a chunk of my time where I will make the most difference—at least to my mind.” In cases when he can’t physically be on hand for his kids, he’ll ask a brother or friend to represent him in the matter—but most of the time, it’s still his wife who takes care of these things.
His youngest child may be 21 already, but giving advice always comes naturally to this parent and professional. “You don’t draw a line somewhere [between the father and the manager],” he claims, pointing out one contributes to the other. Leaving family back at the doorstep or work at the office is similarly impossible, as they follow him wherever he goes. “It’s not realistic.”
While having a father named Barbie may have initially gotten Atienza’s kids into a few misunderstandings, they all seem good humored about it and now can laugh it off. “Maybe my parents were fervently wishing for a girl,” he muses, “[and] I was born a year before the [Mattel] dolls came out.”
Barbie’s the first to admit that the “father knows best” approach doesn’t always work. “You can’t impose,” he explains, chuckling that only fathers seem to believe in that adage, as even their wives don’t put much store by it. “It should be ‘fathers always mean best’ –because our intentions are always for the best.” For parents, he thinks it’s their ultimate goal to let children make their own decisions. “I’d like to think we’re empowering parents,” he reflects, adding: “When you have seven children, they have to learn to be independent.”
“There’s no fair share, there’s only what is needed by each one—it’s on a case-to-case basis all the time. Parenting is always situational. You cannot treat all your children the same way.” Atienza truthfully offers, when asked about how he and his wife budget finances accordingly so all the kids get their fair share of everything. He relates that when one of his daughters opted to study in a school far from their home, and showed determination in commuting almost daily to her chosen campus for a semester, he and his wife found a friend whose daughter was studying in the same area, and found a way to rent a place together for their kids. “You can’t impose. You have to be ready to change your position. You’ll have to be very flexible, try to be very open-minded, depending on the situation. There’s no fixed formula.”
Diagnosed with Stage 3 pancreatic cancer in 2012, Atienza found himself clinging to his faith, as his options dwindled down to the slimmest of chances, to none. He was prepared to go to God. “My prayer wasn’t ‘give me a longer life,’ it was ‘make it a meaningful life.’ Don’t let me wallow and wither. I never panicked, I never got depressed. I never got disappointed, I never got angry. I was very accepting, very receptive at the first point.” He goes on to say he felt God never abandoned him through his health problem, and even was calm enough to break the news to his kids the very day of his diagnosis, sharing with them the details of his burial arrangements, down to the eight little urns he wanted his ashes in, to be divided among his wife and kids—before he cracked a joke about making them put a teaspoon of his ashes in their coffee on New Year’s eve. The experience enabled the Atienza family to knit closer ties among themselves.
“I’ve always been a grateful child,” Barbie shares. “But I never appreciated how blessed I was, until that time.” Still, as a parent, he’s still mastering the hardest part—letting go. “You can’t show it,” he laughs ruefully. Nevertheless, he has aspirations, goals to be met, another day to live.
As for his real name, Atienza laughs it off, claiming he’s not comfortable using his full name, jokingly telling inquisitive souls: “let’s stay friends—don’t ask!”
