by Anna Gamboa
MANILA – Hang on to your underwear, Earthlings, Alfred Pangan has unleashed “The Art of Kalandian” –a manual on flirting for every level of expertise. If you’ve got no game, this will give you more than a clue on how to get started. If you’re the type who can flirt indiscriminately regardless of sex (that employees of all genders at the office are filing sexual harassment suits at the HR Department) and even with inanimate objects –this will teach you to tone it down, so you actually enjoy dinner and some hand-holding, instead of scaring off a potential inamorata.
The first laugh-out-loud section will involve the 10 Landimandments (10 Commandments of Flirting), and the next one will involve economic principles as they relate to flirting. Geeks will guffaw over “flirting and the three laws of motion”–because they hold true in physics and in relationships. Pangan must be commended for holding off on the hugot or heartwrenching lines–such restraint in humorous work is the mark of a comedy genius–the kind that needs an outlet or else the owner may require confinement at a mental facility.
Non-flirts who have survived different typhoon intensities will be able to get with the program after studying the “3 intensities of kalandian”. As for the book’s claim that it will jumpstart your near-dead or flatlined love-life–well, it’s definitely a conversation-starter on almost any level. (Hint: yes, you can use the book as a way to start talking to your crush–c’mon you have to practice the principles of flirting to get started somewhere, right?).
If the book ever gets distributed in print or as an e-publication, get copies for your clueless buddies, the Lothario next door that needs to get with the times, and maybe even your parents (just make them sign a waiver that they don’t produce another sibling who will torture you). Export the book to nations with low birth rates! Mabuhay ang kalandian! Long live the art of flirting!
(Writer/editor checks caffeine content in her cup and dials it down.)
Ahem. Ok, get a copy if you can, read it for a laugh, and pass it around. Spread the joy, don’t be a selfish bastard. Because in the digital age, sharing (especially when it comes to vital information) is caring, right?
