(This was written by our intern, Jo Mercado)
If there’s one way to catch our attention, it’s to remind us of our impending doom and the futility of our materialist existence. Take the Metro Deal description of Splash Island, everyone’s next weekend reality check destination. Whoever their copywriter is our new, personal hero.
Facebook netizen Sofia Ignacio exposed this hidden gem to the rest of us worker bees, annotating the best parts. “Water parks were created to prepare humans for ocean parks, which will be created when the moon destroys all amusement parks for its own amusement.” opens the article. After all, death is our unifier so why not anticipate our final moments at Splash Island?
The water park escape boasts several promising attractions such as tunnel slides, high river rafting, and their latest attraction, The King Pilipit, rumored to be “the perfect place to test if sewing your passport into your appendix keeps it safe.” Huh. You never know.
Splash Island doesn’t forget it’s family audience by promoting their lazy river for “the lazy child wanting to practice his or her lazy sprawl, which will be perfected 15 years later somewhere in the abyss of the living-room couch”. A cautionary tale for parents, but they did say they were created as a preparatory program for large-scale disasters, including puberty.
The Facebook post has been shared over 5000 times over the weekend. And quite honestly, it’s a breath of fresh air. Kudos to the copywriter because reading the post was a weekend escape right there. But non-shark-related, they promise.
